I passed my exam today on the 1st try! Feeling so happy! I’ve heard that people usually fail on their 1st try & had to resit once or twice before passing. I’m just happy I don’t have to think about it anymore & just have to focus on the other assignments now😊
And my watermelon 🍉 plants are growing well too! Some are sprouting flowers~ I didn’t use any pesticides & just added some store-bought fertilizers. Hope they’ll turn out well!
I’ll hopefully put a pic or two once I got my melons~
I’ve started them somewhere around 28th December 2020, so they should be around 1 months plus now. When do watermelons usually give out fruits? I once read its about 2 months or so. Can’t waitttt~~~
Having palpitations is.. When you have a bad memory with something, and it suddenly came up to you again after you’ve been trying so hard to forget it.
Why can’t they speak properly? Nicely? Without the unnecessary humiliation?
Yes, it’s tiring being a healthcare worker, especially when there’s not enough of us working in this lonely place.
I admit, I was wrong. But guess what, I didn’t realise I was doing something wrong! Why? Because no one told me about this! I had to learn the steps, the job scopes by myself because nobody told me!
Even if I were to ask, I know that I’ll be too afraid to do so. Why? Because I can’t take your jabbing answers. That is, if you even bother to answer me. More often than not, I’d be left in an awkward limbo of a dead end conversation. That’s when my message was not answered by you. Even though I was supposed to learn from you, there’s apparently a restriction on what I can or cannot ask.
I can’t help it OK? I can’t be sure of something that I’m not sure of!
I’m sick and tired of being thought of as the stupid kid who graduated from that prestigious university. The one whom ‘you don’t understand how my mind works’.
I hate you people and I hate to admit that. Why promote negativity this way?
You’re tired. But guess what? You had the opportunity to train at some tertiary hospital & actually have seniors who were WITH you that you can learn from at the time. I don’t! Whenever I’m oncall, I’m always on my own!
My seniors are newbies like me, who just came into the department a few weeks earlier. They themselves are not confident with most things. Whenever I ask about the menial things, the leader more often than not, would say ‘I don’t know’ or more conveniently, just chose not to reply.
I’m forced to know the tiny operational things by myself and forgive me, but I feel like a mistake or two should at least be understood no? Especially because I didn’t intentionally do it.
But nooo, it’s always better to have me learn by punishing me right? Because you were taught to learn that way ‘during your time’. Because it made you the awe-inspiring superior that you are today.
I’m sick of you doing that. The only valuable lesson I learnt was how NOT to be like you.
I sympathise with your struggles back then. Your superiors back then who ripped your reports, hit you with files, call you horrible words and other terrible acts were truly inhumane.
I feel like, as if you felt that what you’re dishing out now is much milder than what had happened to you back then. And that is what justifies your current treatment to me. Maybe that’s why you felt I am the soft one. The one who’s too emotional. The troublesome one.
Guess what? I’m feeling like this now because I came from a background of people respecting each other. That’s why I’m having trouble accepting your vulgar ways of teaching.
Why do you pressure me so? When you and I know that this can be resolved nicely?
You see, something unpleasant happened at work today. A senior had announced how inept I was & was talking about how I gave an illogical answer to a situation happening in the patient assessment centre.
A patient came in for reduced fetal movement, at 35 weeks 4 days POA. However, she has a history of persistent cough for 4 whole weeks. Naturally we thought of the possibility of her having Covid19. Then came the issue of who should be clerking her & whether we should do testing with a rapid test kit (RTK).
I was the junior person present, & I was asked to clerk the patient by the senior, behind a window of the isolation room that the patient was in. That, without wearing full PPE, because, I will only be asking her history from behind a window.
I have also contacted the pathology department beforehand to ask for the proper protocol to ask for an RTK. Word by word, I did my best to convey the kind patho Dr’s response to my senior. Usually we’d do an RTK for a pre-op patient. But in situations like this, it was up to the clinician in charge to ask for the RTK. RTK would be indicated if the patient is to be treated as a Covid19 case.
I guessed that I was a fault too, because I ended the explanation to my senior with this sentence, “Would you like to treat this patient as a Covid case?”.
My senior blew her top. I had to hold the phone away from my ear for a moment. The 2 nurses in front of me found it funny, the way I had to do that. I gave them a wan smile.
Then she asked me to take further history from the patient. Behind a window.
Another senior person walked in. I was told that only one person should be in charge of the patient, as said person would be decked in full PPE. & it’s best for the person to the one in charge of the day, i.e my senior.
I asked for confirmation with a second senior person & was told the same thing. The person in charge of the day should handle the patient, who is a possible Covid19 case. Feeling slightly better, that I wasn’t not doing my job, I settled to help with other things.
Then my senior arrived, & began a harmless discussion with the second senior. After getting to the topic of the possible Covid19 patient, however, she began to imply that I was giving her ridiculous information on how we should only get RTK if the patient is a Covid19 case.
It’s like everything I told her, especially the sentence ‘it’s up to the clinician to decide for an RTK’, never registered & the only 1 thing I told her was that RTK is to be taken only for Covid19 patient.
I felt wronged, upset. But I couldn’t speak up because this is the very same senior who claimed I tried to sabotage her when I was setting a blood transfusion for another patient the other day. I had this feeling, that if I were to speak up, she’ll think that I’ll be ‘sabotaging’ her again.
I am a junior person. That previous incident happened last month, during my 1st month of working. Everything I do, I tried my best. I was excited to work, & I always, always, always do any procedures with an experienced colleague beforehand. It was not my 1st time setting up a blood transfusion. Yes, I admit that what my senior added on made it better, but I believe that the added ridicule & unfair claims of how I was out to sabotage her can be left out.
Today’s incident really get to me somehow. After finding out that I’ve reached the end of my shift, she blatantly said, “Hah, you can go back now”. In front of the nurses, the seniors & other colleagues.
There is another colleague who finished the same shift as I do, but he was not asked to leave. Being told to leave work in that way, made me felt humiliated. In a way, it was like saying, “Please leave now, because even if you were here, you wouldn’t be of any help”.
What was more embarrassing, was how I couldn’t keep my feelings in. I was crying on my way out & actually met with a specialist, a couple more seniors & another colleague. I kept my head down & didn’t greet them because I didn’t want them to see my red eyes & face.
I cried in my car. Went home, took my bike (which I never used after buying it last month) out, went for a cycle, found out how horribly unfit I am (I panted after less than 5 minutes 😂 😅) & finished the cycling session in only about 20 minutes because I can’t take it anymore. I slept like the dead, woke up, ate & began crying again while typing this out.
I have been greedy. I realised that now. It has been a smooth sailing experience so far, working here. Most of the people are nice. So I guess I’m not used to such verbal abuse & slander. I hate that this made me feel weak. Crying because someone like her got to me. I really really hate that. I don’t want to give her my time of the day. I hate that I’m losing sleep & agonizing over this. It should be a simple concept. Don’t let her get to you & you’ll be alright.
I do try. But I still feel upset. & I’m angry that someone like her could make me feel this way.
Long story short, I didn’t achieve much. I dawdled all the time. I’ve very recently been called into government service. Got sent to an island. Will be going to said island next week.
Totally messed up my plans of mooching off my parents while working. Now I gotta pay my own rent (water & electric bills already included in rent) & other expenses (gas, food, drink, what else.. Gardening stuffs maybe).
I’ve always loved eating tomatoes 🍅 so I’m planning on making a whole garden of them in my new place. I’ve bought lots of different seeds online. There’s these seriously cute ones called the Tiny Tim. There’s also this hugeeee one called the Beefsteak tomatoes. Also there’s this weirdly black colored variety, called Black Beauty.
My work will be a tough one. I will be busy all the time, won’t have enough time to sleep & eat, have to read a lot, do stuffs quickly, etc etc. Then there’s the issue of having pig teammates who’ll just drag you down or malicious superiors who’ll enjoy your tears for breakfast & it doesn’t help that there’s always been stories of people quitting within the first few months of working.
I’m nervous, of course. But hopefully I’ll end up stronger & more organized by the end of this 2 year period. I’ve always had a problem with being organized. My thoughts & reactions are frequently not in sync with each other since forever. So yeah, hopefully that will get better after this training.
Ah, but I did manage to grow a cherry tomato plant during this restriction movement order (RMO). That’s the #stayathome campaign going on here previously. Now it’s in the economy-recovering phase so it’s less strict but we still have social distancing, masks & hand sanitizers going on.
Anyway my cherry tomato grew pretty tall & is now bearing 4 fruits. I’m soooo excited! Too bad I won’t see it grow red anytime soon coz I’ll be going to that island next week remember? I do wonder why the rest of the flowers won’t turn to fruits. Was it a problem with pollination? I did made sure it have enough water & fertilizers, I’ve also pruned the leaves a bit, so those can’t be the problem. I’ll try planting companion plants next time. I’ll keep trying & will hopefully update about it here soon~
I found out the reason why my lemonade got no ‘minty freshness’ even though I added the mint leaves. You gotta crush it 1st! Then after a while, take them out. Don’t leave them in the drink when you wanna keep them refrigerated.
Otherwise, as what my Mom aptly said, ‘Tasted like toothpaste’ 😬 It actually did, so yeah.. 😬 😬 Not really fond of drinking toothpaste-flavored drink so it was a bit of a funny tea time.
I tried making a traditional treat, called ‘kuih lapis’. Only, it turned out kinda tough & sorta hard. Who am I kidding, it has the texture of a toffee which has been left out in winter for a couple of hours. Every day.
‘Kuih lapis’ with pink layers. Pic from google. Mine got the looks, but while this one may give an image of a princess in a tutu dress, mine looked like the princess stumbled out of the carriage and decided to go hitchhiking barefooted.
If it turned out well, it should be super soft, moist & easy to swallow. Unlike mine 😂
My dad, who always tried to find the silver lining in every one of my kitchen failures, said he liked it though. ‘Made you feel full with only a piece. That’s good, you won’t overeat then’. I love my parents 😁
We’ve started the movement restriction this week, in view of the rapid rise in the Covid-19 cases. I’ve just watched a video by Science Insider on how the virus affects the lungs and it is scary. I’ve also read that the death of those inflicted by the disease is very sad, because they can’t meet their loved ones and even in death, they had to go through special measures to be buried. They can’t meet physically with their loved ones until the end of their lives..
O God, please help us in this time of need. May we have the faith & strength to go through this. This phase will end. We will be OK.
I left a trail of unfinished stuffs at the job so the replacement & ex-supervisor have been pushing me non-stop for stuffs.
Come to think of, I knew it was gonna end like this but still chose a, well, lots of momentary pauses.
I’m ruined for life, aren’t I?
I’m in my mid-20s, single, with no prospect of anything in the soulmate department. I’ll probably grow old & die alone like those Japanese oldies. Undiscovered until the rotten stench of my corpse signaled people that I’ve passed.
I dislike doing anything requiring any bits of effort from my side. Waking up in the morning is a chore I never wanted to do so I rarely did.
But I know these blissful days aren’t gonna last. I’ll be called into service in a month? Maybe 2? I could delay it, but people around me, my family, friends & colleagues are gonna be quite annoying to deal with later.
“Why’d you do that? Yada Yada yada”
Can’t exactly say that I just wanna not do anything, ideally for the rest of my life, now can I? 😬
I did do something sort of worthwhile recently.
I started a herb garden. So far, I have rosemary, mint, thyme, stevia & parsley. I’ve used some rosemary & thyme to make a delicious mushroom soup. I didn’t add any salt, Mom said it needed just a pinch of salt to enhance the flavor, to which I disagree. I’ve always found the mushroom soup in restaurants too salty to my liking. But this reminds me that my palate is blander than the rest of the community, so I’ll have to set aside a batch for me & put in salt for the rest.
I’ve also put some mint leaves in a lemonade. Didn’t change anything though, flavor remains like that of a lemonade, without any minty freshness. I’ll have to Google again how to do it right. It should‘ve gotten some minty freshness in it right?
Here’s the recipe for the mushroom soup that I got from some website/blog. Can’t really remember. I added some rosemary in it, though I’m not really sure if it changes things. I’d like to think that it did add a good flavor to it.
Clean the mushrooms by wiping them with a dry paper towel. Don’t wash them! Slice the mushroom or chop them into bite-sized pieces. Set aside. Heat the olive oil in a large pot saute the mushrooms & thyme appx 10 min until lightly browned. Place in a bowl and set aside. Remove thyme stems (leaves should have fallen off)
In the same pot, Heat the remaining 1 tablespoon of olive oil and saute the onions until tender. Cook covered over low heat stirring occasionally for 15 min. Add the mushrooms back to the pot.
Next, Add the butter, allow to melt then add the flour and cook for 1 minute. Add the vegetable stock and stir for another minute, scraping the bottom of the pot. Add 1 1/2 teaspoons salt, and 1 teaspoon pepper and bring to a boil. Reduce to simmer for 15 minutes. Add the half-and-half, cream, and parsley. Heat through but do not boil. Serve hot.
I didn’t know what half-and-half was, but Google said that it was a combination of milk & cream, so I kinda substitute that with just milk, but in a smaller amount & added the stated amount of cream. Looked great, tasted good to me, so 🤷🏻♂️ I’m happy with it🍄
Let’s just see how it goes from here ayy me?
It’s going to be a long ride hopefully, coz it would suck to die early.
I completed the assignment for that huge & successful meeting last Friday.
Yay!!! Everything went well. All those times in front of the screen was worth it. I actually felt a tiny bit sad for leaving this job.
But I’m feeling much happier now that I’ve resigned. Well not yet, but soon.
This weekend was the most relaxing one since the start of the new year.
I ate a lot, hung out with my loved ones, visit lots of places, made future plans to go out soon.
I’m content & happy.
I wish everyday would be like this.
But having too much of a good thing is never OK. You’ll get bored & won’t appreciate them as much. That’d be quite a tragedy I think. So having a balance for each is important~
Both supervisors were cool. We discussed things nicely. We talked about going out for a lunch outing together to celebrate my last days of work.
Back in my office, my colleagues & I went out for a welcome lunch together with the new member who’ll take over my job. All the best you!
I did work, & actually had some fun doing it. Banters with my colleagues were funny & informative. I learned who Guy Fawkes was, and how he tried to bomb the British parliament in 1605, which is superrrr long ago. Apparently the creepy smiling mafia mask is nowadays used as a symbol of terrorism online.
I also tried an Indian banana leaf meal set today. It was nice! It’s better eaten while you’re in a cold weather, I think, coz the spice do make you feel a bit heated up a lil’.
Self-inflicted Tragic Life of a Slakoth 